Vital: “During the current pandemic, we mostly stay at home, many people work in the home office. How do you manage to overcome this obstacle as a couple? “
Most couples complain of spending too little time together in everyday life. This is why many couples do not experience the “couple whim” as a burden, but on the contrary are happy not to have to overcome the crisis alone. Remembering this again and again also helps in those situations where different desires collide. To get out of attack mode and allow empathy again, a phrase like, “Let’s argue so I can see you love me,” often helps.
Vital: “What factors determine whether a relationship is at risk from the pandemic or not?”
The data confirms that couples whose unresolved conflicts were already straining their relationship before the crisis were particularly at risk. Also: During a crisis, people want to feel like they are not alone, that their partner is protecting them, and that they are stronger together. If this is not fulfilled, the partners experience the crisis as doubly burdensome, the relationship obviously could not perform this important function and is therefore questioned.
Vital: “What problems can currently arise within a partnership that otherwise do not exist?”
To put it simply, some couples get on each other’s nerves. Many complain that they don’t spend enough time together in everyday life, but it’s getting easier and easier to desire what you don’t have and when you get it, you realize it’s not as good as you hoped for. On a deeper level, however, it is often a conflict over the need for closeness and distance. People for whom their autonomy and self-determination are more important than an ever-present partner to them cannot tolerate much closeness. These are often with partners who want a lot of closeness. However, the need for freedom could not be satisfied in the couple doors because there was no possibility of withdrawal.
Vital: “Is there currently a greater need for couples therapy?”
I am well booked and colleagues tell me they feel the same way. However, this is always the case at the beginning of the year, because good resolutions often include doing something for love and relationships. But what I clearly notice: my online course to improve couple communication in my Modern Love School is purchased and accessed much more often. So I definitely see a sharp increase in the need for support.
Vital: “During the lockdown, the number of domestic violence cases increased. What’s the best way to deal with aggression and dissatisfaction in a partnership? “
According to reports, the number has increased and, unfortunately, a large number of unreported cases must also be assumed because there is no chance to withdraw. In every city and also on a national level there are consultancy centers that can be reached by telephone and anonymously, which help with a report or with the search for a safe place. Getting yourself and perhaps the children to safety must be the first step. Trying to save the relationship, if the abusive partner is willing to do aggression therapy, for example, can be addressed in the second or third step.
Vital: “What advice would you give couples in the current situation?”
Focus on the opportunities you have and don’t limit yourself to what you are missing. Be grateful that you have your loved one by your side in a crisis and that together as a team you have overcome everything that has happened and will overcome everything that is yet to come. Romance is above all gratitude for the shared moment. Nothing is more precious than time. With this in mind: set up a date night and make yourself beautiful.
Vital: “Different levels of coronavirus caution harbor potential controversy – how can couples deal with it?”
Crises are like a magnifying glass for connections and relationships. Here, what is important is evaluated differently and some conflicts are viewed differently. It becomes clear that this is not about the factual level, but about: Can I rely on you? Are we similar enough? do you notice me? In such a situation, characterized by fear, one consciously and unconsciously takes a balance. Does my partner scare me with his attitude? Does his behavior show him that he cares about other people, including me? Or do I experience them as selfish and lacking in solidarity? This means that the crisis shows very deep emotions: if they do not match, then it causes great concern for a future together. After all, we will all need support at some point. If I have the impression that my partner will reject me, then this goes to the very basis of the relationship and cannot be clarified on a factual level with arguments, but only on an emotional basis.
Vital: “Can couples draw anything positive from this situation?”
Couples with no unresolved conflicts actually grew up together during the crisis and their connection became stronger and more secure. This is not surprising, because very threatening situations that have been overcome together become welded, because the couple knows they have overcome them together and this gives hope that they too will be able to face future challenges. Be aware of this and show gratitude to one another.